The Farts

Disclaimer: I apologize if the term fart is offensive. When I was a child saying fart was as bad as cussing. It seems that it has become a generally accepted term. My mom even uses it now. I am going to use it because it is a lot easier than writing flatulence AND not as silly as saying "passing gas" or "breaking wind" (the phrases I was told to use as a child).


Henry has always had bad gas. I figure I jinxed myself when I once said that I didn't think anyone had smellier farts than my husband (I've heard he cleared a subway car once). Henry out stinks Jensen any day.

We had a brief hiatus from Henry's farts while he was on the prescription, anti-allergen diet. They didn't go away completely but they didn't take over the room. We did notice that they started smelling different -- plastic-like, odd, and just plain unnatural. When we started reintroducing foods to Henry's diet his farts got worse. They still smell odd but now they take over the room and assault anyone with nostrils. Sometimes being in the same room with him is eye-watering, tolerance-testing, torture.

The farts aren't noisy. The only warning is a brief, subtle, quiet "poof." They are worse at night. One night they were so insanely stinky and frequent that we started attempting to time them -- like contractions. I sleep better with ear plugs but recently have discovered something that I really don't like about earplugs...when I am wearing them I don't hear the warning "poof"that precedes the nasal assault.

We haven't been able to narrow down the culprit. The odd-smell started around the time he started the prescription diet, the insanely expensive antibiotic, and the new anti-yeast/anti-fungal medicine. He is no longer on the prescription diet nor the antibiotic so they are ruled out. We wonder if it could possibly be canned food - quality or not. Unfortunately we need to use canned food as it is the only way to give Henry his various powders and medicines.

Henry's dermatologist, Dr. Mundell, suggested we give Henry activated charcoal. The back of the bottle is heartening, it says: Activated Charcoal is one of the finest natural absorbent agents. Each particle contains many small chambers, and cavities that "capture" or bind-up unwanted materials and gas, which are safely carried out of the digestive system. And thank you Dr Mundell! The farts are now a bit less...pungent. Meaning: they still smell unbelievably bad and take over the room BUT they don't clear the room and one can still manage to breathe.

Henry's response to his farts is really funny as well. When he farts his normal "poof" fart, he will twist around and smell his rear. Occasionally, when he has been sitting/laying on the couch and he "poofs" he will stand up, smell the spot his rear was and then lick the spot (sometimes Henry is really gross). But my favorite is when Henry has the surprising noisy fart. He has two responses to these. If he is sleeping it will startle him awake. When he is awake he will jump up and off the couch (or away from where he was) and across the room and stare back at where the fart occurred. Sometimes he will return to what he was doing right away. Other times he will look offended,  look back and forth between the spot and me, then, keeping his distance, turn his back and settle down.

For a long time it hasn't been easy to have people come over and hang out because of Henry's behavior. Constantly barking and always wanting to be the center of attention -- even if it means climbing on top of people to ensure it. Although, I do have to say that Henry has the magical ability to endear himself to people even when he is bad. I can't tell you how many times people have left our house and I have thought, "they must think that Henry is an annoying, terrible dog and hate being around him. But when I see them next they always ask about Henry and they always respond to my updates and stories with an affectionate "Oh, Henry." His behavior has been improving as he grows up and especially as we have become better at training him. But now we have this new problem...

Would you choose to relax in an environment where you were repeatedly exposed to one of the worst smells ever? If you have the choice of where you can spend time with one of your friends, would you choose the location that contained 'odeur de Henry'?

Oh, Henry!